My Story

Musings of an Eternal Optimist

Several years ago, armed with a degree from the University of California, Santa Barbara, a 500 dollar student loan, and a 1964 Ford Falcon station wagon, I struck out in search of the perfect job.  I graduated on a Sunday, packed my car, and waved goodbye to the rundown house (they called it charming in the advertisement) I shared with three roommates, and headed back to Southern California.

Frankly, I had no idea what a degree in Sociology (the figures were $12,000 per/ year for a college grad.) would buy me, but I managed to land a temporary job working for the County of Orange in a program for disadvantaged youth seeking summer employment (I could relate).

Although I had visions of healing societal hurts hurled on the less privileged, I ended up sitting at a typewriter, filling out forms, and watching the clock. I took regularly scheduled breaks and watched the clock some more. As I looked around the office, I noticed happy, contented people satisfied with humming IBM Selectrics, regular hours and paycheck.  I wondered how they could be so happy while I was so miserable.  I found myself exhausted after a day of what I considered relatively easy work.  What was I not understanding? Then there was the problem of paying the rent. Hummm. Gotta find another job quick!

So I continued my quest, making the rounds, applying for any job that sounded remotely stimulating. While my interests focused on counseling others I had little or no practical experience and no advanced degree.  This is the double bind of the college graduate.

Ultimately, I found a position with a non-profit charged with training and developing employment opportunities for disadvantaged youth and adults.  I loved the idea of working in this area. I saw myself as really being able to make a difference. Yet I found myself again, doing manual MIS work tracking and filing forms tracing other people’s lives and progress.  Although I had managed to convince the hiring manager that I could perform the job and would be happy with the work, eventually we all end up showing our true selves.  (I tell people that now on a regular basis now)

There I was surrounded by a team of people who actually loved what they did.  They took pride and satisfaction in a job well done, (a concept that eluded me for some time) and all I could think of was how soon the clock would strike five. What was wrong with me that I couldn’t fit in?  Again, I needed to find another job.

I started interviewing; one position was with Xerox selling copiers, another with CAL Berkeley (escaping back into education and a graduate degree in business).  And then there was a break! My boss, needed to go on a one month vacation and wanted me to take over in her absence much to the annoyance of the dedicated department personnel who had worked there for eight years or more. I felt free at last as I learned new things and as an acting supervisor, became a liaison to other departments. I familiarized myself with internal processes and job opportunities.  My dream job opened up, as a Job Counselor in another department.  At last my search was complete, or so I thought….

Upon my bosses return, I steeled my courage, contritely confessed my long standing ambition and was off.   She wasn’t happy but ended up promoting a long term employee who really loved the work and although I felt mildly guilty, the desire to fulfill my passion for helping others won out.  This opportunity opened the door to a four-year career at the non-profit.  I met and worked with interesting people determined to make a difference in their own lives and I was a witness to their growth and struggles.  The first wave of Vietnam War refugees poured into our program. I learned a new respect for the term “American Dream” while I observed people with literally nothing but the shirt on their backs striving to study a new language, adopt a new culture and learn an entirely new set of job skills.

We were entering the explosive information age and the hunger and growth of this emerging industry opened its jaws and devoured thousands of hourly employees.  And I loved being part of the paradigm shift. Times were good… employment was high…and then once again I started watching the clock.  Examining my options I took stock of my resume which now contained four years of progressively responsible career moves.

As a liaison to private industry, I had been working closely with human resources professionals. Over the years, many asked me if I were interested in joining their companies and as I interviewed  I was warned not to say I was interested in helping people as that made me sound too liberal and social work like and not bottom line oriented.  One interviewer, a VP of Human Resources asked me when I planned on getting married and having babies; adding that he believed females in my age group were a poor employment risk.

I finally connected with a small (500 person) high tech corporation and joined the corporate HR department.  As “the new kid on the block”, I was immediately thrown into recruiting, employee relations and compensation and policy development for the corporation and specifically the engineering department.  Because of the industry growth, staffing and employee relations work was challenging and time consuming.  Enrolled in a MBA program, I decided I preferred to spend my time working rather than studying and delayed my graduate degree for the future. I really loved the late nights and meetings with department heads, strategizing and formulating growth and transitions plans for their respective organizations.  I felt needed, rewarded and fulfilled.

And then the first, of what was to be several industry wide reorganizations hit the corporation and my department.  Out of eleven people in human resources only two were asked to remain. I felt shocked, and simultaneously relieved.  For several months, the tension in the office was thick with intrigue and innuendo.  Revenues were down and the corporate fluff of the “party hard, play hard” philosophy of the 80’s was not paralleling profits.  Poor decisions and product competition had created a serious vacuum that could only be filled by major overhead cuts.  I found out first hand what it meant to be bottom lined and fiscally accountable.

I interviewed without passion or purpose and once again found myself questioning the future and my place in the corporate landscape. After several months of working part times jobs and interviewing, I came to a crossroads.  I had taken a contract human resources position with a high tech start up all the time believing that I would ultimately accept a full-time position with some corporation.  And although an excellent offer came (a 35% increase with a solid company in a management position) I found myself drawn to and curious about working with start up companies.  The old feelings of excitement and stimulation that I had previously experienced emerged and again I felt the passion flow.  I joined a small consulting firm, on a contract to contract basis, and specialized in working with high tech venture capitalized companies.

And for seven wonderful years I was involved in a fascinating, challenging and lucrative business.  I met and had the opportunity to work elbow to elbow with incredibly intelligent and creative people and help them grow their businesses and fulfill their dreams.  New technologies, new people, new dreams, it all worked for me until the recession of the early nineties when the bottom fell out of the high tech industry.

But as the eternal optimist and incredibly lucky when it comes to landing on my feet, I found myself working for a small computer reseller who taught me far more about the technical aspects of computer integration that I ever wanted to know and much about the guts of making a living  in a small business..  This gave me yet another perspective on entrepreneurship, creativity and courage. Moreover, within a short period of time I was fortunate enough to meet my current partner with whom I founded the Human Resources and Staffing arm of a professional services organization.

For ten years we worked hard and learned much, continuing to focus on serving the needs of small emerging growth companies.  And a few years ago I again found that gnawing sense of boredom and listlessness.  The passion I once felt for serving others was diminishing.  I felt lost and purposeless. Fortunately, I had the presence and maturity to know “wherever you go there you are”.  So I knew another contract or a new client wasn’t going to fix the issue.  I started a small study group of like minded individuals who also were experiencing similar effects and we meet on a regular basis to learn how to create purpose and passion in our lives and careers.

At some point in the process, I “remembered” a moment twenty years earlier when I was coaching a Corporate Director late one night while he worked through an employee relations issue. There was something incredibly satisfying about that moment when he ‘knew’ what his course of action should be.  And I felt an incredible sense of delight and fulfillment as I walked back to my office and my boss gave me a wonderful compliment acknowledging my ability to support others in increasing their awareness.  And as the world works in those wonderfully synchronistic ways, my neighbor came over within days of this awareness with a stack of brochures on coaching programs she was considering.  As I looked at the brochures and reflected on that moment in George’s office I “knew” where I needed to be professionally.  And the rest is history…. at least for the moment.